Sand Sibling Holiday Anthology
by mylonelyshadow
Summary: A collection of OneShot CrackFics starring Gaara, Kankuro and Temari. No Sandcest. Just crack. Lots. Some OOCness. Sorry the holidays aren't in order, but it really doesn't matter, does it?
1. The Sand Siblings Aren't Scary At All

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or any other anime or anime characters. Also, I do not own this story. Almost all the credit goes to my little sister (AKA Bug) who doesn't really want her own account, but wanted me to post this. A few ideas were mine, but it's mostly all her. Enjoy! Shadow

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**The Sand Siblings Aren't Scary At All. **By MyLonelyShadow's little sister, Bug.

It was October 30th and the entirety of the Hidden Village of Sand was in a fuss. Kankuro's stupid ideas didn't usually get this much attention, but Halloween seemed to be the exception. Every person in the village was busy, making costumes and treats like tamasaburo in anticipation for tomorrow evening. Everyone was excited. Except for a certain red-head that we all know, love, and fear.

"GAARA!!! What are you going to wear tomorrow?" Temari asked while she finished making her own costume.

"I'm not going." He replied emotionless.

"But Gaara! Why not?! You'd be soooo cute! Tell you what, I'll make your costume for you."

"So I'll look stupid like you? Hmp. Make me."

A fuming Temari almost strangled her brother. "YOU WILL BE GOING AND YOU WILL BE IN COSTUME OR ELSE MR. TEDDY MEETS THE SHREDDER AM I CLEAR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Gaara, struggling out of his deathly sister's hands, left with nothing more than a quick nod before retreating to his room.

The next day, Temari did nothing but work on Gaara's costume. Kankuro's whereabouts were unknown, nor cared for at the moment. Gaara was out for a walk, thinking as he watched people running about. _Why me? Why must I attend this… this.. THING!!! It's utterly stupid, besides, it's not like I'll get anything._

Gaara made his way back home, and noticed something like a tail on Temari's costume she was making for him.

"Gaara, don't worry, I'm almost finished!" She giggled afterwards, probably thinking of what it would look like on him. Gaara didn't bother asking what it was, fearing what her mad mind had created. He could wait for it. He could wait.

Kankuro finally showed up, giddy as everyone else.

"So… what are you wearing?" Gaara inquired, not actually interested, but seeing as there was nothing else to do, he figured he'd find out.

"OH! HI GAARA!!" It seemed like he created an earthquake he was so loud. "You wanna see, you wanna see?!?! Okay come on!" They went to Kankuro's room and Kankuro put on his costume, seeing it was getting dark already. "Da nananananananana nanananana Batman!!!!!" He yelled acting all sneaky and such.

"… … … you look... the same. What kind of costume is that?"

"Don't you see? There's a bat symbol now! Now I'm batman!"

"Kankuro—"

"NO!!!! It's Bat-kuro now!" No sooner had he decided that, Gaara left to Temari's o-so-cute-beckoning for Gaara.

"What?" he replied bluntly as he came to Temari.

"I'm finished! You HAVE to put it on now, okay?!" Afraid of being strangled again, Gaara reluctantly put on the ridiculous costume, in his opinion.

His costume was a raccoon suit with little ears and a tail. "KAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Temari and Kankuro cried at the same time. Apparently, Kankuro was serious about his costume. Temari wore a pirate costume including a sword, boots, an eye patch, and golden skull earrings.

So the bat, pirate, and raccoon set out for their exciting night.

Many people dressed up. Gaara wished he could have one kid's costume: He draped a sheet over himself and put holes for eyes. Kankuro ran off, seeking candy from every person giving candy out. Temari attracted many boys, though she beat up every one of them who tried something with her. She beat them up pretty good, too. Gaara hung with Temari, for the sake of being with someone he knew. And because she forced him to go outside, and go trick-or-treating. Suddenly, three kids appeared in front of the two siblings.

"Look, it's a cute raccoon and a pirate! The pirate is a ninja, isn't she?"

"Yeah, she's a ninja-pirate!"

"No, it's called a pirate-ninja!"

"Ninja-pirate!"

"Pirate-ninja!!"

"Ninja-pirate!!"

"Pirate-ninja!!!"

"Ninja-pirate-ninja-pirate-ninja-pirate-" was what it started to sound like as they quarreled non-stop.

"You're cute." The other kid said to the raccoon, Gaara. Gaara didn't know what to say.

"YAY! SHE'S RIGHT YOU ARE JUST TOO CUTE!!!!!!!!" Temari exclaimed as she huggled Gaara so tight, he thought he'd die. He could only think of one thing: _I hate being cute._

"I hate being cute."

"What was that now?!?!?!"

"NOTHING AT ALL. I THINK WE SHOULD WE SHOULD GO HOME Now because…" Gaara stopped his sentence because they saw Kankuro for the 50th time at this one house as well as the rest of the houses.

"Kankuro! Oi Kankuro!!" Temari yelled at her crazy brother. "Kankuro, where-"

"NO! It's Bat-kuro to you!!!!"

"… okay, well, where have you- I mean, how many times have you been around all the houses?!?! Leave some candy for the other kids. Jeez."

"Let's go home, we got plenty of candy." Gaara said while dragging his older siblings towards home.

Temari had a huge pile of candy because the boys kept giving her extra candy cause… well you know. Kankuro's huge pile was because of attempting to get every piece of candy from every person. Gaara, surprisingly, also had a huge pile of candy. He got some because… well, because he was just too darn cute to resist.

"Yes!!! Oh, I can't wait until next year!!!!!!" Kankuro said after eating some of his candy.

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Gaara didn't wanna do it every year! But it seems he was on the weak side.

"Why not? I'll make your costume next year too!!!! Oh, so many ideas!" She smirked evilly at him while Gaara just nodded in fear of his temperamental sister. _At least I got candy, even if I had to wear such a ridiculous thing._

"You're gonna be even CUTER next year!!!!!!!!!!!"

Gaara just ate his candy. Not the least bit excited for next year. He could only think of one thing: _I hate being cute._

**The End- until next year that is. Mwhahahahahaha!!!**


	2. Gaara the Elf?

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or any other anime or anime characters. Also, I do not own this story. All the credit goes to my little sister (AKA Bug) who doesn't really want her own account, but wanted me to post this. Enjoy! Shadow and Bug

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Gaara the Elf…?** By MyLonelyShadow's little sister, Bug

It was Christmas Eve. Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro were were going crazy. Yes, even Gaara. Before they went to bed, they set out cookies and milk for Santa. Gaara tried to stay up to see Santa, but like every other kid, he fell asleep.

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How could Gaara fall asleep?!?!?! Dunno, but he didn't transform, maybe because of how weird his dream was. Oh well. On to the dream!

Dream Sequence Begin

Gaara was in a bright, happy colored place. He wore a costume much resembling an elf. He started walking around, wondering where he was. He found a door. He went inside. There were other people inside who looked respectively like he did. But different heights and different faces.

"Gaara! What are you doing? We need your help, c'mon!" An elf much resembling Kankuro yelled at him. Gaara quickly went back out the door and decided that he needed to get out of that place.

He went down many halls, without a clue of where he was going. Suddenly, he changed to looking like a normal boy, not an elf anymore. He continued, down the halls when someone came up to him.

"YOU THERE!!!! What are you doing here??" She asked almost demandingly. Gaara was scared, not completely because of her fierceness, but because of how much she resembled Temari.

"Well, maybe the boss can get some answers. Come with me." She directed. Gaara quietly followed. He was scared to death, despite all the bright happy colors that decorated the building. Or shop.

"Oh-ho-ho-ho! Well, what have we here? A lost young boy?" The 'boss' said to Gaara.

"What??? I'm not lost. I just… umm… you're Santa?!?" Gaara said excitedly.

"Yes, that's me! Now, tell me, what are you doing here? How did you get here?"

That was one thing Gaara didn't know. "Well, I don't know sir, I just appeared here."

"Well, here, take this and we will show you the way out." He said as he handed Gaara a teddy bear.

_OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!_ He couldn't believe he got a teddy bear from Santa. The person who resembled Temari started leading him out.

They didn't get very far when someone called for 'Temari' and she left Gaara alone in the hall. Gaara was walking down the hall when he noticed something he should've noticed from the beginning. There was a huge sign that read: EMERGENCY EXIT- USE ONLY IN AN EMERGENCY.

He didn't care if it was an emergency or not. He decided to go through the door. When he opened it everything went white.

Dream Sequence End

Gaara woke up. He checked on Kankuro and Temari. He was relieved nothing happened to them during the night.

"Gaara!!! Gaara!!! Open your presents!!!!!!! C'mon Gaara, open them!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He gladly went and enjoyed Christmas with his siblings. But…

Dun Dun Dun!!!!!! Gaara got the same teddy he got in his dream Oo. But what exactly was that dream? What did it mean? Who knows, but let's hope he never has a dream like that again.


	3. Exploding Kunai  BBQ

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or any other anime or anime characters. I wrote this crack. With a little help from Bug. Hurrah for the new Sand Sibling Anthology of Holiday Celebrations!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Exploding Kunai + BBQ**

"Guess what today is???" Said a Gaara that was unbelievably out of character.

"What?" Asked Kankuro, wary of Gaara's strangely good mood.

"Are you that stupid?" Gaara asked with his usual evil tone, before making an awkward transition to giddiness. "It's the Fourth of July!"

"Yeah, but Gaara, we don't live in the US… why would we celebrate that?"

"Because, you idiot, I like seeing things explode."

"Oh… haha, I see." Kankuro tried to make his way out of the room without being noticed, but in his unsuccessful attempt he bumped into bedhead Temari. "Ahhh! T-t-t-t-Temari!"

"Ohayo." Temari grumbled. Apparently, she hadn't slept well. This was bad.

"I-I-I'm going, be back later!" Kankuro ran out of the room before he had to face the wrath of Temari, who obviously woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and the giddiness of Gaara, who obviously woke up in the wrong universe.

"Oi, onee-chan, I'm gonna go buy some kunai and shuriken. I probably won't be back until late, I've got a lot of things to prepare. Tell Baki-sensei to Fire Up the Grill!" And with that, our odd little Gaara skipped out of the kitchen, gourd in tow. The only other thing he grabbed on his way out was Kankuro's wallet, the one with 50 million cat stickers on it. "Ikkidakemasu!"

"Iterashi." Mumbled Temari, who was still dragging herself around the kitchen. One would wonder if she had a hangover or something, but it was just because she fell out of bed that morning and hit her head on the dresser, slipped twice on the bathroom floor after taking a shower, jammed her finger in the door, and was about to burn that same finger making toast. "SON OF A…!" Poor Temari.

Gaara skipped down the road towards the weapon shoten a few blocks away. Anyone that was in the street either gawked or retreated as Gaara continued to skip, gourd bouncing along with him. At one point, while thinking about his plans for that night, he laughed, rather more maliciously than he meant to, and one of the neighborhood kids ran off crying. It didn't matter to him though. He was gonna have a blast tonight.

"Oi, Kankuro-kun!" Gaara took a small skipping detour towards a trembling Kankuro. "You're going to do me a favor."

"Yeah? What?"

"For one thing, make sure Baki Fires Up the Grill in the townsquare soon and starts cooking up some hamburgers and hot dogs. Temari seemed kinda strange this morning, so I'm not sure she'll get it done. She seemed kinda strange to you didn't she?"

"So do you." Kankuro muttered before he could stop himself.

"So does your face." Gaara smirked and skipped off, thanking Kankuro briefly for the wallet.

"My wallet!" Kankuro yelled, but not soon after he stopped. "Wait… what about my face?" Apparently Gaara was in a good mood before Kankuro had woken up this morning and decided to draw cat whiskers on his face with permanent green marker. "GAARAAAAA!!!!!!"

Gaara finally made it to the shoten and ordered the old man in charge to give him all the kunai and shuriken that Kankuro's savings would pay for. Ultimately, Kankuro had been saving quite a lot for parts to improve his puppets with, so Gaara bought 50 Kunai, 15 shuriken, and 5 fire bombs, just for the heck of it. "Arigato! And thanks for offering to spread the word about the gathering tonight in townsquare! Don't forget to mention there's free food and a show, the more people the better!"

Over in townsquare, Baki had just fired up the grill and was cooking the first batch of hot dogs. Did I mention he's wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron? He is. The sun was starting to set and the day starting to cool off. A few curious kids were waiting around playing Jun- Ken-Po. Somehow, Temari had wandered into the square by that time, still in a bad mood, but at least the bedhead was gone now, though three pigtails proved that she was still kind of out of it. Kankuro was still avoiding his siblings, so he stayed near Baki, marveling at the growing number of people showing up in the square. It didn't take long for the eating to begin. Almost the whole village was there as the day kept getting darker and the stars began coming out. But where was Gaara?

From atop the Kazekage's headquarters, Gaara called for everyone's attention. Being Gaara, he got it without having to ask twice. "Attention everyone! Today is a holiday known as the Fourth of July, and though we have absolutely no reason to celebrate, I just felt like celebrating! Please, continue to eat while I provide the entertainment."

The crowd murmured. Some people started to think he gathered them all in the square because he was going to murder the whole village. But this other dimension Gaara was too happy for that. Instead, he threw two kunai into the air, both of which had exploding notes of different colors tied to them. On forceful contact with each other, they exploded in a rather beautiful array of Gaara's interpretation of fireworks.

Everyone was silent. For a brief moment, no one dared to breathe. From somewhere in the midst of the crowd, someone whooped and cheered. It was Temari. The sight of things exploding snapped her out of her trance. Soon, the entire village was cheering on the fireworks Gaara had prepared, even Kankuro, who was on his fifth or sixth hot dog by then. The shuriken worked more like ground flower fireworks. Gaara had attached four smaller fire notes to them and spun them around very fast on the ground as everyone stared in awe at the odd beauty of fire and ninja weapons.

It turned out that there was a meteor shower that night as well, which turned out to be a good ending to the celebration. As everyone trudged home, Gaara remained on the rooftop, smiling to himself. He'd kept one thing for himself and his siblings. Quickly, he grabbed Temari and Kankuro and led them just outside the village entrance. Then, he took the fire bombs, strapped together by thin strings with the last few kunai attached to them. He proceeded to toss it high into the air and make it explode, in a personal finale that made the pyro piece of his heart jump with joy.

He was going to need to find more holidays like this one.


	4. The Turkey Hunt

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto, or any Naruto characters, or anything from the Naruto series. I do not own this story either. My sister Bug wrote this one. I've been bugging her to write another Sand Sibling oneshot for the anthology so here it is! YAY!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**The Sand Siblings Go Hunting.**

Kankuro and his crazy ideas.

Gaara was relaxing atop a roof, when he heard his noisy brother coming. "What is it this time?" he said in annoyance to Kankuro.

"You have to come with me, it's a surprise." Kankuro exclaimed.

"No. Go find Temari. Leave me alone."

"_But_," Kankuro slyly informed, "you get to _kill_ something. Don't ya want to help?"

Gaara just stared out over the village. "Fine. Where and when?"

"NOW! Come on, Temari won't wait forever!"

--

Temari was waiting at the edge of the forest (where'd that come from, I dunno).

"HOW MUCH LONGER IS HE GONNA TAKE?!?!?!" She was angry. Kankuro said he needed to go and he'd be right back, but it had already been 20 minutes since he left, and Temari was getting impatient. "Where is he?!?! I'm gonna kill him when he gets back!!!!!!!!!!"

Just then, Kankuro came back with Gaara right on his tail. "Okay! Are we all ready?" Everyone, or the other two, nod. "Okay!!! Let's go!!!!!!"

_Maybe I'll kill him later _she thought, fearful of what Gaara might do if he saw them fighting. So they proceeded into the forest.

"What are we doing, anyway?" Gaara intrigued. True. Temari and Gaara didn't know why Kankuro had brought them into the forest.

"We need to kill a turkey." He told them.

"A what?" Temari and Gaara asked at the same time.

"A turkey. And then bring it home."

"WHY???" they asked simultaneously.

"Se-cr-et." Kankuro wasn't about to spoil the surprise.

So they kept walking. And kept looking. "When are we going to find a turkey?" Gaara asked emotionlessly.

As if on cue, a turkey popped out of nowhere, looking for food on the ground.

"I'll kill it." No sooner had Gaara said that, his sand crept out of his gourd. He slowly, but skillfully, moved the sand around the turkey. When the sand surrounded the turkey, he made his killing move. "Sand coffin!" he screamed, excited at killing something for once and not being scolded by Temari.

"Umm… Gaara? Is there anything left of the turkey?" Kankuro inquired.

"……"

The sand slowly crawled back into Gaara's gourd. But when the sand was gone, so was the turkey.

"Gaara, killing the turkey means there should still be a body there." Temari said.

Gaara just started walking. So they set off to find another turkey. Again, a turkey appeared out of nowhere.

"Let me kill it this time." Temari happily volunteered. So they waited for Temari's attack. When the turkey wasn't looking (when was it), Temari opened her fan and attacked the dumb bird. "Sickling winds!"

Unfortunately, for the siblings, the turkey was blown away into the sky.

"Gobble, gobble, gobble!" _I can fly, I can really fly!_ Said the turkey as it was 'flying' though the sky. _I can—_ boom. Thud. The turkey lay motionless on the ground.

"Caw, caw, caw, caw, caw!!!" _Did you see that?? It flew! Yeah, but it crashed! Kinda like those Windex commercials! AH-hahahahahhahahaa!!!!!_ Some crows teased.

Back to the siblings…

"Great hit Temari." Gaara said bluntly.

"Gomen ne. Let's find another turkey." So again the three-some went searching.

After about 10 minutes, a turkey came walking past them.

"DON'T SAY A WORD. I'll kill it this time without destroying it or blowing it to heaven. Gaara and Temari didn't like that, but still they waited for his attempt.

Kankuro took out his puppet. The arms came off and they grabbed the turkey, and put it in the base of the puppet's body and trapped it. Then, all the arms, legs, and the head came off, and… guess what? They all had knifes at the end, and on Kankuro's command, all the limbs and head came back, therefore killing the bird.

"Let's go back home already." Gaara said rather unamused.

"Yep!!!" Kankuro said gleefully.

--

Later, almost back to the village.

"So, what's the turkey for?" This question had been itching at the back of her head, and Temari wanted to know.

"It's for Thanksgiving! Every Thanksgiving you're supposed to gave a great feast, most importantly, the turkey! So when we get back, I'm going to cook the turkey and then we are going to eat it!!! Yum…"

"So why didn't you just buy a turkey at the store?" Temari questioned.

"And do you even know how to cook a turkey? I hope you don't burn it." Gaara said to his stupid brother.

"……"

**The End.**


	5. A Valentine for Temari

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or any part of the series. I do not own this story either. By my little sister once again. Man… this anthology is becoming all her oneshots… 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Temari's Valentine Special** By Bug (lil sis of Shadow) 

In Suna Village there have been many occurrences. Kankuro has yet another idea but isn't sure how to go about doing it.

"You want us to have a Valentines Day?" Temari asked her brother.

"Yeah," he said, "but how do we have a Valentines Day?"

"Hmm… well, I don't know. Ask someone else." She said.

(Lightbulb. Idea.) "Oh, thanks Temari! I'll see ya around!" So Kankuro left.

--

"Gaara! I need your help!! PLEASE!!!" Kankuro yelled at his brother.

"If you leave me alone then fine." He said without a care for what his brother wanted.

"Fine. Okay, I need you to go to Konoha tomorrow."

"What for?"

"Tell Shikamaru that we are celebrating Valentines Day. He should give Temari a Valentines gift." Kankuro knew Shikamaru and Temari were in love. Though neither would admit it yet.

"When is this 'Valentines Day'?" Gaara ventured.

Kankuro thought. "It's on Saturday. So he has five days. Now go tell him." Kankuro was way too excited for his own good.

--

In Konoha with Gaara

"… on Saturday." Gaara just finished telling Shikamaru what Kankuro wanted him to know.

"… okay." Shikamaru wasn't excited. At least he didn't show it.

So Gaara left and Shikamaru was thinking. _What could I do for Temari for Valentines? Hmm… I guess I could do that, cause I have 5 days to learn it and perform it. That's what I'll do. _So he got up and went off to work on his Valentines idea.

--

Back at Suna Village on Valentines Day

"There. Perfect!" Temari just finished wrapping some chocolates for Shikamaru along with a beautiful red rose.

She was about to go to Konoha when Kankuro stopped her.

"So, what cha doing?" he asked.

"None of your business. Now get out of my way." She wanted to see Shikamaru ASAP, and Kankuro wasn't helping.

"That's for Shikamaru, isn't it? I heard he might be coming here." He added.

"Shut up! I told you it's none of your business!" Though she was curious if Shikamaru really was coming.

"Oi, you have a guest Temari." Gaara said quickly so he could go away to somewhere peaceful.

"Really? I wonder who." She glared at Kankuro. "You'd better run before you have no legs."

"Umm… bye Temari!" He said fleeing. Kankuro didn't want to see the consequences, especially when she puts up that kind of threat.

Temari hastened to the door.

"Yes, who—"she was stunned. Shikamaru was there waiting at the door.

"Sh-Shikamaru! Umm…" she couldn't believe he was actually there. Shikamaru really came.

"I heard you were celebrating Valentines so I have something for you." he said as he came in with a guitar and sat on the couch in the room.

"This song is for you." he gestured Temari to sit down. Then he began.

A/N: Song by Plain White T's called Hey There Delilah. I took the song and changed a few lyrics to fit. Song credit and original lyrics credit to Plain White T's.

**"Hey There Temari"**

_Hey there Temari  
Don't you worry about the distance  
I'm right there if you get lonely  
Give this song another listen  
Close your eyes  
Listen to my voice it's my disguise  
I'm by your side_

_Oh it's what you do to me (X4)  
What you do to me_

_Hey there Temari  
I know times are getting hard  
But just believe me girl  
Someday I'll pay the bills with ninja work  
We'll have it good  
We'll have the life we knew we would  
My word is good_

_Hey there Temari  
I've got so much left to say  
If every simple song I wrote to you  
Would take your breath away  
I'd write it all  
Even more in love with me you'd fall  
We'd have it all_

_Oh it's what you do to me (X4)_

_A thousand miles seems pretty far  
But I would see you everyday  
I'd walk to you if I had no other way  
Our friends would all make fun of us  
and we'll just laugh along because we know  
That none of them have felt this way  
Temari I can promise you  
That by the time we get through  
The world will never ever be the same  
And you're to blame_

_Hey there Temari  
You be good and don't you miss me  
Two more years and you'll be a chuunin  
And I'll be making history like I do  
You'll know it's all because of you  
We can do whatever we want to  
Hey there Temari here's to you  
This one's for you_

"Aishteru." Shikamaru whispered in Temari's ear.

Temari was speechless. There was only one thing she could say, "I love you too!"

Temari hugged Shikamaru. She was happy. So was Shikamaru. "How troublesome."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Yeah, mylonelyshadows little sister, Bug, here! I know it ended up being Shikamaru/Temari, but that's absolutely fine! So here's to Valentines! Even though it's July… oh well!!! Thanks for reading! Reviews are encouraged!


End file.
